The 5 Types of Girls You Meet In College

College for guys is like walking into Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, you spend the majority of class time looking around your lecture halls picking out the next girl you’re going to plow. That’s an amateur mistake. If you play you’re cards right you can use the different types of women to make your college experience a lot better than it is. Here’s what I’m talking about:

1. The Ugly Girl


Being an ugly girl in college is almost as bad of a curse as being a quarterback for the Browns. However, there is a way to use this to your advantage. Ugly girls will literally do anything for you if you give them a second of attention. My example is Danielle, she’s my lab partner in Astronomy and she is a solid 4. We all know a Danielle. One day I couldn’t make it into class and texted her saying “hey can you give me the notes I missed today.” She told me that we had a major part of our lab due today. Just as I thought I was fucked I get another text saying, “don’t worry I took care of your part we got a 92.” Fast forward a week Danielle gives me rides to class from my dorm and now buys me Alcohol. Long story Short, find yourself a Danielle.

2. The girl(s) you bring to parties


Let’s be real, we all love to party. Some of my best memories are from the nights where I end up hugging the toilet seat. After my freshman year I was tired with hearing “sorry dude were not letting in 4 guys without any girls into this party.” We’ve all been there, and its humiliating. What you need to do is find a group of girls that you bring to the front door of house parties so you can actually get in. However, there’s one rule. DO NOT hookup with her. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, and you don’t need to bite the hand that feeds you. Keep it in the friend zone so you aren’t looking for new girls to go out with every other weekend.

3. The Hookup


This one is self-explanatory. It’s our primitive instinct to fuck. That’s why you need a last resort who is always down no matter what. Does she have to be the prettiest girl ever? No. Let’s be real for a second. The only girl who is down for dick at 4am when you can barely see straight is probably not going to be a dime. This one stays on the absolute down low, you even go as far as putting her in your contacts as the name of a professional athlete just in case anyone is looking over your shoulder.

4. The show pony


This girl might be slightly out of your league. She’s the prettiest girl you know who you haven’t fucked it up with yet. She’s your version of an escort. When you go to the library, you go with her just to make yourself look a lot more desirable than you actually are. You even post on Facebook or Instagram with her so your friends back home can look at it and say “holy shit who is that smoke show this kids with.” Basically it’ll have everyone saying “this guy fucks” and if you play you’re cards right you might actually fuck.

5. The Wing-man


Gravity is real, The sun is hot, and girls make better wingmen than guys. Those are facts. You need to have a setup girl who introduces you to her hot friends. When a girl puts in a good word for you with her friends its basically like you’re on an open court fast break with 5 seconds left down by 1 in game 7 of the NBA Finals. You can either dunk it from the free throw line, or get stuffed by the rim that parts up to you. But a girl setting you up with her friend is 100x better than your buddy who wreaks like Jameson waddling up to a girl and yelling in her face, “This is my boy Mike…. He’s got a huuuuge dick.”